


Secret Unreleased Glee Script: Season Four Finale

by lovejoybliss



Category: Glee
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-05-08
Packaged: 2017-12-10 19:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovejoybliss/pseuds/lovejoybliss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AKA That Fourth Wall is a Bitch </p><p>For the Crack Klaine Proposal Challenge</p><p>Blaine-mocking but Blaine-friendly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret Unreleased Glee Script: Season Four Finale

Spoilers, darlings! 

Scene: A couch in the loft in Bushwick. Kurt Hummel, a tall, perfect, elegant, slim, pale graceful boy with eyes like galaxies, is making out with Adam, an English muffin ball-of-sunshine with the cutest crinkly-eyed smile ever, an adorable British accent, messy blond sex hair and arms like woah.

Kurt: (pulling back, panting) Adam, you’re perfect, but I can’t sleep with you.

Adam: Why ever not, my crunchy little Jammie Dodger?

Kurt: The script won’t let me.

Adam: (continuing to kiss down Kurt’s long elegant neck that is as long as a swan’s and as pale as moonlight.)  What do you mean, my little crumpet?

Kurt (gathering all his Kurt Hummel powers and summoning his best angry diva bitch face ever) Who are you calling a strumpet!?!

Adam:  Crumpet! I said crumpet!

Kurt: (sighing, deflated). Oh, okay.

Adam: I would NEVER! It’s in my contract that I can only say kind, sweet, lovely supportive things to you, my precious angel.

Kurt: Yeah, I wouldn’t trust those writers so much if I were you, buddy.

So anyway, you hot sexy piece of British man meat, the writers won’t let me sleep with you. Look. 

(Kurt pulls a stack of papers out from under the couch cushions and hands it to Adam.  Adam flips through the pages in growing horror and disbelief.)

 Adam: It says you’re supposed to date me…but you’re supposed to go skating with Blaine? Sing holiday duets with Blaine? Make out with and… **shag**  Blaine? What kind of shit script is this?

Kurt: I know. I’m so sorry Adam.

(A knock on the door is heard.  Adorable-as-ever cupcake Blaine Warbler Anderson enters without waiting for Kurt to open the door, because this is Blaine, for whom the door to his soulmate’s heart will never be locked, because no door built or forged could hold back their love, and besides kittens would perish.  Duh.)

Blaine: (sheepishly)  I’m really sorry you guys. You are so cute together.

Kurt: (blushing like a virgin bride in a romance novel) Aww, thanks Blaine. 

(Adam beams and takes Kurt’s hand in his. Blaine gazes up [way, way up] and stares adoringly at Adam’s biceps with his big sparkly hazel heart eyes that sparkle like diamonds. Real actual diamonds. Seriously.)

Blaine: (bouncing like an adorable puppy) ARMS ARMS ARMS

Kurt: (gazing at Adam’s arms too) I know right?

Blaine: I’m sorry guys, but the writers say I’m supposed to propose to Kurt.

Kurt: What!?!?!

(Adam looks as sad as the saddest British puppy ever. Do they even have puppies in England? Cause it’s like, foreign.)

Adam: Please tell me you’re joking.

Blaine: (reaching way, way up to show Adam the script:) It’s right here. Right after I have a heart to heart with Kurt’s cancer-ridden dad…

Kurt: (horrified) No! They wouldn’t fuck with Dad’s character. They wouldn’t dare.

Blaine: …and some heart warming middle-aged lesbians.

Kurt: (snapping at last) That’s it!!! 

(Kurt throws the script up in the air, and the pages scatter, Warbler style.)

Kurt: Where’s Ryan?

Adam: Who?

Kurt: Ryan Murphy. He’s gone too far this time. 

(Kurt storms out of the apartment.  Blaine and Adam can only stare at each other, stunned.)

Blaine:…………

Adam: ……………

The audience:..............

 

And that’s what you missed on Glee!


End file.
